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A thread of the posts by @cait.bsky.social. They read as follows:
I had my first talk therapy session with my new therapist and she hit me with the “you’re very self-aware” ☹️
not the “pleasure to have in class” of therapy
that’s right, I know all the tools and have developed countertools so they no longer work. welcome to thunderdome
A series of circumstances have made me effectively resistant to CBT, and sadly not the kick-based one. “Talk to yourself as you would to a friend”, they say to the dude who has never had any and therefore has no idea of whay does that even mean
I’ve never heard of this technique. The one CBT technique that I know is labeling your thoughts (according to the type of cognitive distortion) and countering them. If you do it long enough, your thinking is supposed to change. Changing any habit is difficult, though.
I think the idea is that, when you’re judging yourself really hard for something you’ve done, you’re asked to consider what you would think of a friend who had done the same thing. A lot of the time people would view the friend as having a made a forgivable mistake, even though they’re treating the behavior in themselves as evidence of an irredeemable and permanent character flaw. So it’s like, use supportive language when you talk to yourself. Remind yourself of all you’ve done right and all you’ve overcome, that sort of thing. Forgive yourself and build yourself up. It’s a specific instance of the kind of labeling-and-countering you’re talking about.
It’s also that what you want out of the friend is not for them to run away or apologize profusely, it’s to own up, apologize, and try to be better next time
Yeah, good call. I meant to have a line about that. You would help a friend get over the blame and self-criticism and get to the actual business of changing for the better.
Ask you doctor if stoicism is right for you.
Stoicism is just sparkling loneliness.
And life is just wasted time before death.
I saw it as the philosophy of the (wage) slave.
There’s a few different ‘end states’ to stoicism.
Realizing that you have control over your own emotions opens you up to the ability to counter emotional reactions, e.g. despair at being a wage slave. Despair will keep in wage slavery, because there’s no way to make it better. Stoicism is ignoring despair. Intellect loads the gun, instinct knows what happens when you pull the trigger, and, by not letting your emotions choose the target, you go for the one that causes the greatest good and next thing you know you’re getting picked up at a McDonald’s across state lines.
I wish the dead could write - I’m sure they’d make a better argument for checking out than trying stoicism.
Stoicism is just dissociating philosophically
“I am not my feelings and have control of my actions beyond them” is nothing like disassociating
Sorry i was just trying to be funny. Most of these “stoic lone warrior” types do just use it to act tough by repressing emotions though
And happiness is just your brain misrepresenting misery.
I wanted to smack this one coworker so damn hard. He shouldn’t shut up about it like it was the answer to all my problems, and I’m just standing there like, “You mean the thing I’ve been doing literally most of my life?!”
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You could try needles or sounding or a cage. Kicks aren’t the only option!
I prefer to be honest with myself. While I don’t saddle my friends with my problems.
The point is to be kind to yourself. You should be honest with your friends, but you should make efforts to frame that honesty in a caring and positive light, ensuring them that they’re safe with you and that you’re raising your concerns out of love for them.
The therapist’s point is that most people know to treat they’re friends that way, but tend to be much harsher and less generous with themselves. So: cut yourself some slack, is the message.
When I had friends we’d constantly insult each other.
I’ve always heard talk to your inner child/talk to yourself with the compassion you’d show a child
As someone who grew up constantly criticized, still no idea
I had the same issue, and eventually realized we have resources specifically for learning this: I started reading parenting books.
I would recommend “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn as a starting point.
On one hand, good to know there is an answer; on the other, I’m generally priced out of purchasing books, so it’s as good as being forbidden from learning the answer (unless I find a summary online).
How you would treat a child, how your childhood self should have been treated not how you were treated as a kid. If a kid came up to you with your problems what would you say?
Take the criticism for example. Would you not tell the kid some along the lines of “that sucks, bud. Its not really your fault. I’ve been there and made it through, you can too.”
I don’t know, wasn’t “tough love” supposed to be necessary to prevent kids from growing up too pampered and entitled? At least that’s how I used to be treated back in the day, as if any assistance would make me incapable or unwilling to sustain myself (not like that made any difference, I was still unable to pull my own bootstraps and am therefore well behind my peers)
That is the alleged sentiment I suppose, there’s a difference between tough and abusive that many parents never really figure out. There’s no one type of parenting that is best for all kids. Pulling up by your own bootstraps is a paradoxical statement for a reason.
Just what I always needed! Condescention and dismissal!