Polygamy sounds amazing to everyone until they actually try it and deal with the drama like one person in the polycule only being there for another person and actively attempting to rip them out of the situation, with all the drama that comes with that.
It always bothers me that people seem to think that poly has zero boundaries, that it fixes absolutely everything in a relationship, that you no longer have to make any effort.
I think it’s highly dependent on individual situations. Both monogamy and polyamory can be peaceful and delightful, or awful drama filled trainwrecks. I would argue that it is easier to have bad drama with polyamory simply because there are more variables and people involved, but it’s not inherently more dramatic.
I find it freeing to not have to worry about my partners “cheating” or getting involved with other people. They found someone new? Good. They’re probably a cutie who I’ll get along with, even if we never get close with each other. Whether or not my partners love me or if we’re as close as I want is a whole separate matter from how much they love other people. There is still plenty that can go wrong in the relationship, but other people won’t be the issue.
I’ve never done poly, so I’m an outsider, but I wonder if those would work better when all people involved ‘stop’ their default relationships a bit beforehand, to reset it so to say, and agree all beforehand to start and treat each other then on equal terms.
Personally, I thought that a poly that arises from an originally mono relationship, is bound to have one of the three feel like a third wheel, rather than a true relationship triangle (where everyone loves all involved). And then it’ll dissolve.
as @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone said below, a strength is that those involved could feel freed from the worry of “do they cheat on me or not”. i think it might be similar to an open relationship in that regard.
Polygamy sounds amazing to everyone until they actually try it and deal with the drama like one person in the polycule only being there for another person and actively attempting to rip them out of the situation, with all the drama that comes with that.
Polyamory ≠ unicorn hunting. It’s always bothered me that people think of polyamory in such a heteronormative framing.
I never said it was unicorn hunting though?
It always bothers me that people seem to think that poly has zero boundaries, that it fixes absolutely everything in a relationship, that you no longer have to make any effort.
Unicorn hunting is cool though. Especially when you can harvest their previous blood.
Polyamory has been relatively drama free for me for 6 years. Not any more drama than I’d have in a monogamous relationship.
I think it’s highly dependent on individual situations. Both monogamy and polyamory can be peaceful and delightful, or awful drama filled trainwrecks. I would argue that it is easier to have bad drama with polyamory simply because there are more variables and people involved, but it’s not inherently more dramatic.
Plenty of people involved in monogamy too, you’re just not fucking all of them. Or you are fucking all of them.
I find it freeing to not have to worry about my partners “cheating” or getting involved with other people. They found someone new? Good. They’re probably a cutie who I’ll get along with, even if we never get close with each other. Whether or not my partners love me or if we’re as close as I want is a whole separate matter from how much they love other people. There is still plenty that can go wrong in the relationship, but other people won’t be the issue.
this person gets it
the only downside is that once you figure that out most romcoms stop making any sense
Exactly. The expectation of exclusive love creates like half of the drama and jealousy
That’s why we have kitchen table poly. If everyone’s partners can’t sit at a kitchen table together, they won’t be a partner.
I’ve never done poly, so I’m an outsider, but I wonder if those would work better when all people involved ‘stop’ their default relationships a bit beforehand, to reset it so to say, and agree all beforehand to start and treat each other then on equal terms.
Personally, I thought that a poly that arises from an originally mono relationship, is bound to have one of the three feel like a third wheel, rather than a true relationship triangle (where everyone loves all involved). And then it’ll dissolve.
as @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone said below, a strength is that those involved could feel freed from the worry of “do they cheat on me or not”. i think it might be similar to an open relationship in that regard.
Polyamory*
Polygamy is something completely different.