Imagine you had an AMAB friend who gave you really eggy vibes, and one day you decided to start referring to them as “she”. Your friend hasn’t come out, hasn’t even said anything to you in private, but you insist on using she/her pronouns for them everywhere, to everyone they know, against their wishes. That would be pretty fucking gross right?
I actually agree completely that Kurt was very likely trans. But I don’t think it’s cool to loudly and publicly misgender people, no matter the intent.
Imagine you had an AMAB friend who gave you really eggy vibes, and one day you decided to start referring to them as “she”. Your friend hasn’t come out, hasn’t even said anything to you in private, but you insist on using she/her pronouns for them everywhere, to everyone they know, against their wishes. That would be pretty fucking gross right?
I’ve both had that experience personally, and I’ve experienced someone I’m close to being posthumously misgendered in that way. It feels extremely shitty. Actually having that person misgender my dead brother and make false claims about how he died was soul crushing to me (that’s an understatement, I can’t describe the grief and rage I felt at that). It destroyed me, I hated them for it, and I still hate them now.
Egging sucks and hurts people. When you egg living people it feels shitty, invalidating, it can also feel infantizing and condescending.
When dead people are egged, it doesn’t hurt them but it can hurt their living relatives to an extreme degree. It certainly hurt me when it was done to me. I don’t know if Kurt’s family feels the same way. Famous people likely get used to hearing lots of horrible things about their family members and vice versa. I know that for me that sucked, and personally, re-aggravated a lot of old trauma.
I actually agree completely that Kurt was very likely trans. But I don’t think it’s cool to loudly and publicly misgender people, no matter the intent.
Also there’s more than one way to be trans or queer. An insane amount actually. One can say someone was probably trans or queer in some way, but it’s not possible to say in what way. Which includes pronoun preferences. When someone doesn’t tell you, you can’t know.
Imagine you had an AMAB friend who gave you really eggy vibes, and one day you decided to start referring to them as “she”. Your friend hasn’t come out, hasn’t even said anything to you in private, but you insist on using she/her pronouns for them everywhere, to everyone they know, against their wishes. That would be pretty fucking gross right?
I actually agree completely that Kurt was very likely trans. But I don’t think it’s cool to loudly and publicly misgender people, no matter the intent.
I’ve both had that experience personally, and I’ve experienced someone I’m close to being posthumously misgendered in that way. It feels extremely shitty. Actually having that person misgender my dead brother and make false claims about how he died was soul crushing to me (that’s an understatement, I can’t describe the grief and rage I felt at that). It destroyed me, I hated them for it, and I still hate them now. Egging sucks and hurts people. When you egg living people it feels shitty, invalidating, it can also feel infantizing and condescending. When dead people are egged, it doesn’t hurt them but it can hurt their living relatives to an extreme degree. It certainly hurt me when it was done to me. I don’t know if Kurt’s family feels the same way. Famous people likely get used to hearing lots of horrible things about their family members and vice versa. I know that for me that sucked, and personally, re-aggravated a lot of old trauma.
Also there’s more than one way to be trans or queer. An insane amount actually. One can say someone was probably trans or queer in some way, but it’s not possible to say in what way. Which includes pronoun preferences. When someone doesn’t tell you, you can’t know.