A fate worse than death.

I’ll be damned.

Now we just need to find out if the bear’s Catholic, and we’ll be set.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Sure, in practical terms it’s probably overkill, but that’s why I say it’s the “perfect” hygienic restroom. You don’t need to touch anything at all with your hands in the entire room after you leave the stall/urinal.

Hell, that’s another item, come to think of it – floor-flushing toilets/urinals. The electric eye/sensing ones are fine too, I guess, but having a button on the floor I could just step on (which I have seen in places) is my preference. Minimizing hand contact areas in a bathroom is always a good thing.

The perfect hygienic restroom:

Hands-free soap dispenser, set to dispense liberally (businesses never do)

A hands-free sink that actually does its fucking job and comes on at a reasonably warm temperature, with decent water pressure, for 30 seconds minimum. I can handle having to position my hands somewhere weird for a second as long as I actually get a functional goddamn sink for a usable amount of time. So many of these automated sinks fail at this it’s unreal, but I’m certain non-shitty ones exist, I have used at least one.

Motion-activated paper towel dispenser with decent paper towels loaded.

Push-to-open door with no latch (such that you can just use your shoulder or hip anywhere).

Unfortunately, every public place I’ve ever been to has at least one failing element here. Like, it’s clear some places are trying and failing; and in others it’s just patently obvious they’re just trying to be cheap (miserly soap dispenser, sink set to turn off after just a couple seconds without motion in the magic spot and lukewarm temp, air blower instead of paper towels).

if you have the mojo for it, then be the best puppyboy/girl/yes you can be

just embrace being a puppy, it’s less effort than trying to recover from that kind of emotional crit.

some people just naturally have that energy. if it’s you, lean into it.