Macintosh Killed My Inner Child

For 99% of computer users, if the GUI doesn’t have an option, it doesn’t exist.

Literally 99% of Windows tech support is

Have you right clicked on Windows menu, selected Terminal (Admin), then entered sfc /scannow and then DISM /Online /Cleanup-Image /CheckHealth and DISM /Online /Cleanup-Image /ScanHealth and DISM /Online /Cleanup-Image /RestoreHealth? …ohhh shit you’re still fucked up - well, maybe you need to completely reinstall windows, well, here’s the page on how to do it.

That’s the difference with Linux. Your average user never uses terminal, and when they do, they find the tools suck.

Well, the commands that I presented (sudo, mount, umount, ps, kill, even lsof) are actually just normal commands that you use to do ordinary things on your system to manage account elevation, mounted disk volumes, processes, and running processes. You need to “memorise” them just as much as you need to memorise their counterparts in a Windows system (Run As/Explorer/Explorer Eject/taskmgr) (…what kind of nerd memorises Ctrl+Alt+Esc anyway?).

…except you don’t have lsof, you literally need to install SysInternals Process Explorer.

I’ve used Process Explorer.

“What file handles are open that match <This drive letter and then some>?”
“Well there’s Dropbox now.”
“Oh. Again?”
“Dropbox, I think.”
“Again.”
“Maybe nothing???”
“OK, let’s try ejecting now.” (It fails again.) “Are you sure no file handles are using this drive?”
“I’m positive.”
“Well fuck this then.” (Unplug USB)

Now. I said I’ve used Process Explorer. I didn’t say I’ve used Process Explorer. I wish to be, one day, one of those frightening people who live and breath Process Explorer every day. There’s still a long journey to get there, I know.

Which is exactly what I do if sufficiently annoyed! Problem is, Windows is usually hella vague about which particular devices have Quick Removal™®© enabled.

Told ya, Process Explorer just told me nothing, except Dropbox maybe.

But it doesn’t change the usage scenario. I don’t care what programs are using the drive. I just need to tell them to fuck off, I need to unplug this drive at this moment.

Basically, if you, as a regular user, cannot unmount a device, you can usually just go to root shell (sudo -i), see where the thing is mounted (just use mount) and then unmount it (umount /media/blah/floop). If it says the device is still busy, as root you can remount it as read-only and then unmount it (seeking documentation left as an exericise to the reader, as I’m sitting at a Windows system now).

There’s also lsof (“list open files”) tool, which can be used to see which exact programs are using files on that device, which you can then use to kill those sneaky processes (ps, kill).

My other pet peeves besides these:

• Android locking screen a second before I jab the screen, every single time
• YouTube app. Android and smart TVs. What’s wrong with it? (Vague overall gesturing) It’s garbage. How is one of the biggest tech companies in the world able to ship this and expect people to pay money for subscriptions is beyond me.

“Documentation is like sex: You’re not getting any”