“I don’t get it, dad. What’s a check?”

I splurged for my birthdays a few years ago and got a Waterman Expert, and then a Carène. Combine that with a Clairefontaine notebook, and it’s completely frictionless, like writing on room-temperature ice.

What I really want is the corporate phone numbers so I can call the fucking jackass CEO at home and direct my fuming fucking self-righteous anger right under his stupid worthless ass. Because I’m well aware that they record calls and don’t give one flying fuck about our complaints.

For that matter, I want to see the productivity data on the top executives. AIUI, companies like Amazon monitor and push employees to get maximum productivity. Okay, so if Bob the warehouse worker takes an extra five minutes on his bathroom break and misses his last delivery of the day, that’ll piss off the customer and cost Amazon, say, $100 in sales. But by the same logic, if Andy Jassy takes an extra five minutes on his bathroom break and doesn’t finish everything on his daily to-do list, that might cost the company $1M. So all the more reason to monitor his movements to make sure he’s not slacking off.

I do appreciate that recent versions of Android (and iOS, I think?) allow granular control over permissions, so you can gleefully shout “fuck you” as you fail to grant notification permission to some game.

You can just tape a maxi-pad under each armpit.

AIUI (but IANAL), the bit on bills that says “Legal tender for all debts, public and private” means that if you owe someone $5, and you hand them a $5 bill, then you have discharged your obligation. If the other person doesn’t accept cash, too bad; you tried to pay what you owe, and if they don’t like cash, they can’t demand that you pay by check, or in Euros, or whatever.

What it doesn’t mean, though, is that a business can refuse to deal in cash. If a shop wants to be paid before they make you a latte, that’s not a debt, and they can demand that you pay electronically or not at all.

So while AFAIK (again, IANAL) cashless businesses are legal in the US, I personally don’t like them because that’s a form of discrimination against poor and homeless people. Plus, cash is more private.

I prefer the feel of a fountain pen, myself.