1 - That “No Regerts” tatoo

“I wish I hadn’t commented on that post.” /j

I don’t remember this level of Katamari

Brought to you by:

Wow. Already working on the storyboard for the movie

and tetanus shots.

100% this is in the backrooms somewhere.

“Twenty dollars is twenty dollars.”

Although, the rope next to tub suggests that this may be pro bono on his part.

http://batheinmymilk.com/

I’m not entirely convinced, but I see the potential merit. Maybe let’s just let that greased idea pig loose and see if a farmer tries to wrestle it.

Has real “go to your room” energy.

“Um, thanks?”

Also:

“You’re getting a time out!”

“Phew! Thanks for that. I could use a break.”

“Okay, you can come out now.”

“Hmm? Oh, no, I don’t think so. The timer says I still have five minutes left.”

Price gouging and usury weren’t enough. Now they want protection money.

Thanks!

Tooth Fairy Union FTW!

🎵

Do you hear the fairies sing?

Singing the song of angry teeth?

It is the music of the fairies

Who will not be held beneath!

As an adult now, I wish I had thought about it more when I was a kid. The Tooth Fairy doesn’t have an obvious source of income. Perhaps thats the reason for the paltry offerings. She does, however, seem to have an unusually effective logistical network and a lot of consumer good will. Had I been more perspicacious in my youth, I might have negotiated a contract with a lot more value than just a few dollars per tooth.

For starters, we could have partnered with businesses to distribute a tiny, promotional coupon book for a cut of the sales or even just a flat rate. Every kid gets coupons with their tooth money. That could’ve netted millions.

Also we could act as courier for high priority mail, provided it’s light enough and is going to one of the households with a collectable tooth on that night. Probably not much money there, but it’s something.

I don’t know what The Tooth Fairy’s legal risk tolerance is exactly, but I imagine it’s pretty high if she’s purchasing human tissue without a license. We could have scanned court records to find people with a predilection for restricted goods that are useful in tiny amounts. She just leaves a note with the first tooth and the parent(s) can leave money with the next tooth if would like a bump of whatever The Tooth Fairy is offering. I assume it would have to go to a different spot in the room from the tooth money so the child doesn’t get into it.

I’ve had a happy life, but this is one of my few regrets, that I didn’t better realize the potential of The Tooth Fairy. Que sera and c’est la vie and all that, I guess.

I’d love to see this presented as a trolley problem.

Would have been hilariously absurd before 2001.

Just two roommates on laundry day

Could just be a typo. Boba Fett was pretty fortunate until his luck ran out on Tatooine.