This doesn’t sound like childfree to me, just some fear and a need of therapy.
Like “not because I don’t want them but because I hate myself”.
You’re not childfree if someone hasn’t told you that you need therapy /s
But really, i have been told i needed therapy for my reasons of being childfree. Everyone has their own reasons and if you’re going to scrutinize them then you’re opening the door to be scrutinized yourself. Instead id rather us not judge each other’s reasons for being childfree based on some legitimacy hierarchy.
You may think their reasons are stupid and devolve to self hatred but who are you to judge? Many people are scared on some level what bringing a child into this world would mean for both them and the child.
A lot of people are childfree because they have severe generational trauma that they’re afraid they’ll inflict on their potential kids and therefore be terrible parents. That’s as good a reason to be childfree as any.
A lot of people are suicidal because they have severe generational trauma that they’re afraid they’ll inflict on their potential friends, partners and kids, and therefore be terrible persons. That’s NOT a good reason to kill yourself.
A lot of people identify as trans because they have severe sexual trauma that made them disconnect from man/womanhood and therefore feel like terrible men/women. That’s NOT a good reason to transition.
I get what you’re trying to say. But this girl is actively mourning her potential children and writing poetry about imagining their smiles, while feeling so toxic she cannot imagine having them. Worst case is she gets sterilised, THEN processes the trauma, then regrets it. Best case is she processes the trauma, then comes to a conclusion (whatever that may be), then lives a life less filled with fear (child free or not).
Also I want to stress this: there is nothing wrong about talking to a therapist.
That’s NOT a good reason to transition.
Don’t think that’s for anyone to say but them tbh
there is nothing wrong about talking to a therapist.
Absolutely. I’m in therapy myself. That said, even someone who’s fully processed their trauma in therapy isn’t necessarily willing to have kids and potentially inflict that trauma on them. I know for a fact that no matter how much healing I do, I’d be a terrible father because I’ve gone through far too much to ever consider dragging a kid into the world and exposing them even in the slightest to the shit I was put through. The fact that she’s able to express these emotions so clearly and concisely speaks to the fact that she’s very likely processed all of this already and come to a conclusion
I’d be a terrible father because I’ve gone through far too much to ever consider [it]
Yeah I think this is the part I struggle to understand. I don’t want kids because I simply don’t want kids, regardless of my own childhood. To me, this smells like “I would if I could”. I get the part of it that is like a genetic disease that you don’t want to pass on. But would you consider it, if you knew you would be a good father?
To me, this smells like “I would if I could”.
What I said (and what the original poet is saying) is “I won’t, and I can’t anyway”. That’s not the same thing as “I would if I could”.
But would you consider it, if you knew you would be a good father?
Fuck no, I don’t even like kids.
No. What the original poet is saying is “I dream of children but I won’t get them because I’m afraid”. Sure, you can interpret “I’m afraid” as “I can’t”, but then the reason you can’t is treatable.
Fuck no, I don’t even like kids.
Then why in the world did you not open with this statement?
Take this for instance:
- “I can’t have kids because I’m sterile”
- “I don’t want kids so I got sterilised”
Same person, same reasons, just different framing. 1. will prompt people to go “Oh, there is help for that you know, you could use a sperm donor or something”. 2. will not.
Edit to add: A lot of the comments contain type 1 statements. Like the first one in this thread for instance:
A lot of people are childfree because they have severe generational trauma that they’re afraid they’ll inflict on their potential kids and therefore be terrible parents.
This conveys loss and suffering. A type 2 framing would be:
A lot of people have suffered generational trauma but do not mind not being able to have kids, instead they find solace in breaking the trauma circle.
You see the difference in agency here, right?
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Yea, this isn’t childfree, this is untreated mental illness. This person needs serious help.
This person probably is getting help, judging from how they’re able to reflect and express their own situation. Getting therapy, even if it’s working, doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll ever be what is conventionally called “normal”.
I am childfree and I agree. The community is being taken over by radicalized anti-natalists.
I am childfree and disagree. And not anti-natalist either for w/e reason you bring that up.
Why are you childfree? Before you respond i will warn you that whatever reason you say I’m going to tell you to get therapy because that is what you are doing to the individual in the video.
If anything is radicalized here it’s people policing other people’s reasons for being childfree. It’s gross.
You make it sound like therapy is bad. Why do you think that? Talking to someone to process the things you’ve been through is actually very good for you
I don’t think therapy is bad. I think gatekeeping childfree and prescribing someone else as needing therapy because of that gatekeeping is bad. They’re essentially saying “your reason for being childfree is not valid, get help”. News alert, 25 years ago everyone thought i was crazy and selfish for not wanting kids, regardless of my reasons!
I genuinely think her reasons are not complete. At no point is she saying “…and that’s okay” or “I chose this”. She’s communicating suffering, not relief. I do think she should get help for that suffering.
I genuinely think her reasons are not complete.
That’s just a roundabout way of saying you don’t think her reasons are good enough. Which, I mean, that’s just like, your opinion, man
Hey, I just wish her some inner peace, like being content and happy with her decision. She doesn’t seem to be in this video.
On the other hand, the stupidest people are the ones who are sure that they’d be great at whatever they try.
Definitely get therapy before having a kid
Get therapy even if you have no intention of ever having kids. Therapy for everyone!
