I have no idea if this is the right modality with which to get through to you, but it worked for me: look up schema therapy. My tests flagged with the defectiveness/shame schema, which is exactly what this post is describing - the belief that you are fundamentally broken and unfixable, and you should feel ashamed of that. If that resonates, just do an internet search. You are not alone in this, and it can get better. I won’t say that it will get better, because that part is up to you. But it can.
One cool thing about cognitive behavioral therapy is that you can dip your toe in by just doing the worksheets on your own to see if a therapist might be helpful.
I have no idea if this is the right modality with which to get through to you, but it worked for me: look up schema therapy. My tests flagged with the defectiveness/shame schema, which is exactly what this post is describing - the belief that you are fundamentally broken and unfixable, and you should feel ashamed of that. If that resonates, just do an internet search. You are not alone in this, and it can get better. I won’t say that it will get better, because that part is up to you. But it can.
One cool thing about cognitive behavioral therapy is that you can dip your toe in by just doing the worksheets on your own to see if a therapist might be helpful.