I’ve had a voice babbling away in my head since I was four. Most of the time it says the stupidest stuff and then calls itself stupid for saying that stuff

There was this one time as a teenager I meditated so hard I somehow shut off my inner monologue and got to experience my thoughts directly, at least until I realized what I was seeing and got excited enough to disrupt the precarious meditative state that got me there. Never managed to replicate it since then.